Oh my gosh, I don't know where to start!
Its gonna be a night (cant wait)To remember (aw man)Come on now, big fun (alright)Its gonna be the night (I guess)To last forever (lucky us)Well never ever ever forget!<br>
Oh lord, I need to calm down, it's already 12.40 and I'm still so high it's not even funny.
I don't know where to start and I think it'd be really long winded to start from ballet class, so.
Okay fine, ballet was okay, just the same, we finished Valse Printemps. Really tired! All thru the class I was worrying about the Hydrus barbie. Wait till I get to tell you what happened you'd never believe me. Never ever ever ever ever ever~
So I arrived at the Tanamera with my guitar and some dark clothes cuz the Wens wanted to swim so I borrowed them some clothes. :D
Half the people were at the pit, some were at the playground, most were in the function room. The guys were in there with Michelle and Yanwen, playing with Xiaowen's guitar. I didn't want to be in the room then, so I just went down to eat.
It was quite okay. The food was delicious! (although I only ate like one chicken wing.) Lol. Then okay fast forwarddd>> I was grabbing myself some curry when suddenly out of the blue Xiaowen was like 'Oh eh later after we play the song you going to talk to the guys and everybody right?'
I was so startled I nearly dropped my cup - I never even planned to do anything like that, and I told her so. Then Shiu and Mao were listening and they were like 'Yeah you should.'
'Eh today is the last chance to clear all the misunderstandings leh. You should do it!'
I was in terminal shock. Like seriously because I was so scared. I was completely freaking out because the suggestion made so much sense and without knowing it in a split second I already knew what I wanted to say to them. It was like my body making a decision and my mind struggling to come to terms with it. I really did want to talk to all my old friends and clear everything up with them but so much had happened, it was a bit too much to ask for, for them to forgive me and for us to start afresh next year. I was so scared it wouldn't really work. 'Are you sure the guys would take it seriously, like would they?'
Well anyway I'd made up my mind to do it, and I was being stupid, so I told them 'Okay, fine. If we do clear up all the misunderstandings I'll throw myself into the pool.'
Little did I know I was going to eat my words lol.
It was crazy, I was in a state of freaking out the whole time I was waiting for all of them to go up into the function room. It was so scary, I MEAN SCARY. Shiu and Mao were like 'It's okay, you can do it! You can do it! Just settle everything today!' and Shiu went on to say that the girls really liked me, it was more of like one person disliking me, and all the other guys following suit, they really hadn't meant to, and they all probably knew it was a huge misunderstanding anyway. And I believed her, I really wanted to.
Then Yanwen and Michelle came down to search for the guys. I'd taken one of her mentos and I was like 'Hey nahhere your mentos' and then she was like 'Oh okay.' And I don't know where it came from it sounded so ego and pathetic but I said 'You can hug me now I'm not sweaty anymore.' Cuz I'd come from ballet class and I was stinky and sweaty like shit, and Yan and Mish wanted to hug me but I told them not to. Then now since I wasn't sweaty anymore and I was feeling reckless, I wanted to hug Yanwen and we ended up hugging and it was crazy because it was REAL. Like I told her that I really missed her and she said she really missed me. I told her I hadn't talked to her for so long and she went like 'Yeah.' And when we drew back Michelle came over and then I don't know. After like
four odd months of not talking I just hugged her and this was the most surprising thing - I wanted to apologize to her but she apologized to me. She just went like 'Eh I'm so sorry.' And I drew back from the hug and asked 'Huh? For what?' I really didn't know. And she was hesitating, and then she said 'Well, I don't know how to say leh. Where to start?' And we were both grinning like crazy, I was about to cry and I told her 'Hey I'm going to talk to everybody later don't make me cry when I haven't even started!' And I told her it was really okay and all that, even though I'd been really hurt it was really okay, it was all OVER. Like, all forgiven. And then Yan popped in wanting to plan a sleepover and it was so funny, we resolved to talk everything over during a sleepover at Yan's house in the future, just the three of us. Just this blessing was enough for today but there was much more.
So all of us went up to the function room by way of news that Xiaowen wanted to perform lol. And we did, we performed A Lonely September. But it was far from perfect and yet so perfect, how do I explain it? We forgot the lyrics. Like, well, I forgot the lyrics, I was so nervous. And just like after the bridge of the song I freaked out and went like 'Oh shit can't sing anymore, Wen' and Jiajian and Weiheng stood up and started clapping like they always do, and everybody called 'ENCOREEEE!' It was just really high and I was
about to cry, could you believe me.
Then Xiaowen played Qingtian, which I didn't know how to sing lol. And after it, she was talking to Hydrus. It was really touching and I thought she was going to talk to them so I waited, and then suddenly, in the middle of saying stuff like 'We should clear up all our misunderstandings and be a real Hydrus family today. I mean, see, nearly everybody turned up today!' And then she turned to me and went 'Well today it's the last chance for all of us to clear up everything you know, and I think that ever since Wenxin joined our class it's been pretty high right? Cuz she always very high.' I rmb thinking along the lines of a huge 'HUH?' and she went, 'Well, I think Wenxin has something to say.'
So I took Xiaowen's place on the table. It was really quiet while I got up there because the guys were applauding for Wen. They were probably awkward cuz they didn't know what I was going to tackle. But it was okay, because I just really said everything I wanted to say.
I went, 'Well, okay, Hydrus. I guess you can notice that I have lost my slang in the year that I was with you.' Total silence, but I ploughed on. And told them how much I was sorry, everything I wanted so much to say. It all just came pouring out, and I was just - I started crying like 5 seconds into my 'monologue', unbelievable lah. I apologized for bringing different beliefs back from the States and flaunting them here, and I told them that I knew that some of them probably thought I was a bitch or a weirdo or whatever. And I apologized.
Then I addressed the Justinn problem. There were a few giggles in the beginning and a few oohhs and ahhs when I mentioned his name but I told them we were never a couple. And I REALLY THINK HYDRUS BELIEVED ME and I'm so GRATEFUL and HAPPY, I just cried. I told them I knew I'd made lots of childish, naive mistakes. And affected Justinn's rep, and caused him to get into trouble with his teachers, family, friends, coaches, etc. And I settled the misunderstanding, I'm so FREAKING HAPPY!
Then I apologized to all the girls, in turn, in case I'd been mean to them or seemed like a little too open and all that. I was really in tears, but I was laughing. Like laughing through my tears and Weeqin provided a little timely comic relief by offering me a tissue - thanks, Wee. :D
And I apologized to all the guys. I told them that they had been my closest friends once, and that I really hoped to clear the misunderstanding with them.
And then I told the entire class that I hoped that I could prove to them that I can be a better person next year - even if we were in different classes. I hoped that we could still be friends.
And then just when I thought it was over Wen was like 'I think you should explicitly call out the guys' names, force it out of them, make them face your apology.'
So I did, I called out Jiajian, Weiheng, Jon, Justin Sim. I think they were a little embarrassed but it was a huge load off my chest. It's true what Sinyee said before - I hadn't really been doing anything to solve the problem between Hydrus and I. The load off my chest was the relief that I HAD done something. Really tried and
done something.(OMG NEWSFLASH it's one thirty in the morning as I type this and Channel U is broadcasting the National Anthem. Okay sorry random lol :D)
And then I thanked Michelle and Yan for being there for me in the beginning. :D
And yeah. So I was done and I just ended with a choked-up 'Thank you, Hydrus.' And what really made me shocked beyond my wildest imagination was that they clapped. They applauded me and I was so touched and taken aback, I only wanted to apologize, nothing more. And yet they clapped and I was so happy, so wonderfully happy that I
started crying again. ._.
And then Shiuwen was like 'Okay do we all agree that this misunderstanding is cleared?'
And the guys were like silent for a moment.
Then Xiaowen pressed, 'Is this misunderstanding cleared anot? Eh, guys!'
Then they were like 'We just said!'
'Is it cleared anot. That means next year no more of such misunderstanding alr!'
'Is it cleared anot? Eh, Toon!'
Then Justinn was like
'Yes, it's cleared!'And everybody just started laughing and applauding again.
It's going to be a night to remember. It was perfect.
Shiu went,' Okay Wenxin you gotta go jump in the pool liao!'
'Oh yaaaa. Oh shit I have to?'
Then Xiaowen went like 'Okay everyone Wenxin said just now that if she cleared this misunderstanding she would go jump in the pool!'
And the guys were like hooting and Jiajian went like 'Okay Wenxin you can but Michelle must jump with you!' Lol another one of their jokes again.
And you know what, this time I laughed.
I was once again part of their big family. Maybe I always had been and didn't notice, or was too wrapped up in my own emotions to care. So foolish of me. But today I did. I realized so much today.
That true friends can truly be reunited. And potential lifelongs friendships can be resparked. :D
OMG so cheesy I know but I'm really too happy to care anymore.
My eyes are hurting and my grammar sucks here but I don't care.
We went all cam-whore at the end of the party and took class photos.
Mr Lim was here and he was probably listening to my entire confession but I know I did the right thing I'm not embarrassed or ashamed.
I just need to tone down my open-ness a little. And hopefully next year will be GREAT.
I hope I can prove that I can be a better person.
I really hope so!
Wanted to jump in the pool but it was closed already D:
PraiseGod, seriously.
IN MY ENTIRE FREAKING EXISTENCE. ALL THROUGH THE PREVIOUS SIX MONTHS I WAS SO HURT AND SO DEPRESSED AND SO IN PAIN I REALLY DID NOT FEEL LIKE FORGIVING ANYONE. BUT I DID, and I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF. I knew for a fact that once, I hated the whole lot of them, but I was so tired and part of me didn't want to anymore. I hated them for leaving me out and hurting me, but I knew that I'd hurt them too (well some of them) and that I'd probably done something to cause my own plight.
IN MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE. IN THOSE PAST SIX MONTHS I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD NEVER BE FORGIVEN. I THOUGHT THAT OUR FRIENDSHIPS were NEVER going to be patched up again, and that it would take nothing short of a miracle to bring us back together. I never ever believed that before today anything like this could happen. Not even in my wildest dreams ( heck I didn't even dream about anything like that.)
Well you all know what?
A miracle happened today.
:DAnd it couldn't have been better, and I wouldn't have had it any way else.All those months of struggling to forgive, now off my shoulders, no longer my burden because I have already forgiven them and have been forgiven. Well, at least if not completely, then we all made the first big leap of faith together today.
Their names are no longer taboos, nor is my name a taboo with them. I am so so so happy. Kudos to the person who can correctly count the number of 'happys' in this post.
And you know what? People out there who are despairing - I despaired like you all once, too. I did really stupid things. But despair is really necessary, and if you can hang on tight (hold on to your rope and don't let go, and don't kill yourself in the next few months) you'll see that miracles DO happen. Today was a realy example that I firmly believe in now, and next time you guys are despairing, any of you, my friends, I will CHEER YOU UP! It is a promise!
I love the whole world. And all its crazy things. I AM SO HAPPY. HEEHEETEEHEE :D
Aunty Pauline and my beloved WHF cell, I think all your prayers and mine paid off. :D
